I was in the park minding my own business eating artificially flavored sugar clouds. I wasn’t wearing a sign. I wasn’t shouting at the skies. I was shoving stuff that would rot my teeth in my mouth and the last thing I was looking for was trouble.
There was a family in the park sharing a large pepperoni pizza. They were running in circles holding hot slices. The cheese was slowly sliding off and they didn’t seem to mind. They were laughing as if they were in some sort of commercial for cotton. I could have shoved them all over and taken their pizza. I thought about it, but I didn’t do it. Dad was sort of big, but it looked like mostly mush. Wife and the girls easily could’ve have been defeated, probably with just a mighty roar, leaving Dad. I’d punch him in the neck, he’d fall to his knees, I’d take their pizza, and eat it like Genghis Khan. I didn’t do any of that, I let them have their day of fun. I let them bond as a family, because strong families make a strong nation and strong nations have shovel ready jobs and that’s what I dream of when I put my head on a pillow.
There was a guy with a bald head in the park doing yoga. I could’ve called him a square, a sissy, or asked him if he knew any good places to get kale in a sarcastic way. I let him be, let him find his center or whatever being in weird positions makes you find. I won’t stand in the way of someone’s mental health. Do what you gotta do to get yourself right, I’ve said that in hundreds of public places.
There was an old man walking through the park in loafers. I could have flaunted my youth, but the guy doing yoga was already sort of doing that, so I didn’t. I could have shoved him over, if I wanted to I could shove anybody I mention over. I let him enjoy what little time he had left. Nations that respect their elderly benefit from the wealth of their wisdom, that should be written on every chalkboard in every classroom in this nation.
There was an eccentric woman painting what looked like rainbow vomit onto a canvas that probably thought it would have a better life than the one it was receiving. I didn’t throw hot coffee on her art and shout, It’s drivel, It’s horrible, It’s a crime against art, I didn’t have any coffee. I didn’t take her painting off the easel and throw it at the feet of yoga boy who probably would think that crap art was neat. I didn’t pull her hair, I didn’t punch her in the neck, all I did is look at her painting and think, That’s not for me. I believe that freedom of speech is our most important freedom, I told my friend’s uncle that last week. He agreed.
There was a rumpled man wearing thick glasses sitting at a chair staring at the little girls who were running around enjoying pizza. He was slobbering and shaking his head muttering, Wow. I didn’t take off his glasses and call him a four-eyed pervert who should get the heck out of the park. I didn’t say, Hey, this park is for people that can keep spit in their mouth. No, I too let him be. Innocent unless proven guilty, could someone tell the media that?
There was a janitor on lunch break enjoying a sandwich, some chips, and a Coke. He was watching the birds and the trees and it looked like he was appreciative of every facet of life. I didn’t google pictures of the rotting hides of wombats, shove them in his face and say, Do you appreciate living in a world where wombats are being ravaged by a horrible mange that threatens their very extinction? People have a right to happiness and that’s in the Constitution, at least I’ve been told it is.
Point is, I let them all be. I was letting the world operate the way it sought fit, being a team player and not a diva, so why then did I, Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Laissez-Faire, Mr. Chill, get slimed?